If you are mindful, you are aware, you are experiencing present moments with acceptance. In order to fully cultivate mindfulness, you need to intertwine all three at the same time.
Experiencing mindfulness can be elusive if you don’t know what it is or how to cultivate and use it in your own life. So how can you cultivate awareness and present experiences with acceptance for yourself?
In order to understand mindlessness, you have to understand that your typical mental state is normally, virtually mindless.
What do we mean by that? We are not saying you are a mindless person. What we are saying is that you can spend most of your time lost in your past memories and fantasies of what you think your future should look like.
We tend to let our minds operate on autopilot most of the time and the result of this is that we tend to let our bodies be in one place and our minds in another.
Have you ever been distracted to the point where you don’t know how you got to where you are? If you talk on the cell phone while you are driving, do you sometimes look around you and wonder, “How did I get here?” Your mind was concentrating on the conversation and your body was actually driving the car. Scary isn’t it?
You could really hurt yourself (or others) if you experience this too often. We can get so distracted by interpersonal events that we do things automatically without thinking (mindlessness). Without guidance from the conscious mind, all sorts of things happen in our life.
We rush through life most of the time in a mindless state. We hurry into a coffee store, order the same coffee without even thinking. We go to eat at a restaurant and are so distracted by our conversation or others' conversations that we don’t even taste what we have just put in our mouths.
We tend to rush through life skipping over all of the most important events mindlessly trying to rush from one thing to the next. We always want to “get to the next best thing” (or so we think) in our life.
Time passes by so quickly and when we reflect back on our life then we wonder where the time went. It is a vicious cycle.
Mindfulness vs. Mindlessness means taking the time to “Stop and smell the Roses.” It is an old cliché but one that fits these topics perfectly.
When was the last time you actually stopped and really experienced life? Are you focusing on what you are reading right at this moment or are you wondering what you are going to do in an hour, this afternoon or tomorrow?
Stop what you are doing right now and think about what really matters in your life. Think about a memory that you really treasure. Was it with someone? Was it a vacation moment? Was it a life event? Whatever it was just fully think about that moment.
In thinking about that moment were you thinking about the past or imagining the future? To fully appreciate moments in your life, you need to be fully present and notice what is happening in the here and now.
These moments are your moments of Mindfulness when you notice everything around you and really enjoy being in the present. Mindfulness means being present in your own life.
]]>All Mindfulness involves some form of meditation practice. There are lots of misconstrued ideas about meditation, especially in western civilization, so let’s take a moment to understand what Mindfulness is not:
Because you are actually taking the time to stop and become aware of the contents of your mind, you are becoming aware of and noticing your emotions in a much more vivid fashion. It is amazing in that your ability to recognize how you feel will increase as you release your normal defenses. You will find that letting go of destructive distractions (i.e. over-eating) will make way for more thoughts about how you really feel.
We as humans are constantly looking for ways to solve the causes of our suffering and then discover how we can alleviate it.
Sooner or later you end up asking yourself questions such as: “Why don’t I feel better?” or “Is there something I can do or something that be prescribed so it makes the pain go away.”
No one wants to be on pills for the rest of their life. As we age (and sometimes throughout your whole life) you can suffer from illness. Sickness, old age, and death usually expose us to pain.
Throughout your life, you can struggle emotionally when you are confronted with adverse circumstances. When you don’t get what you want in life, if you suffer from great loss or have to deal with things you don’t want to deal with you are constantly seeking ways to feel better.
Mindfulness is a 2500-year-old tradition of Buddhist psychology. Mindfulness has to be experienced directly. Mindfulness comes from within because it is intuitive and pre-conceptual.
With practice over time, you can figure out how to become more and more mindful in your everyday life. Mindfulness can help even if you are in the middle of significant suffering. Mindfulness has been compared to a deeply personal journey of discovery.
Mindfulness is meant to bring about awareness, attention, and remembering. Awareness means becoming aware and fully enjoying and appreciating the things around you no matter how small it is.
When you are attentive, it means that you are participating in focused awareness. That means that you are aware of what is occurring within and around you. When you participate in this “awareness” you can begin to free yourself from mental preoccupation and difficult emotions.
The true purpose of mindfulness is to rid yourself of needless suffering. How do you do this? You do this by becoming aware and cultivating insights into how your mind works and the meaning of everything in the material world we live in. You are looking for ways to calm your mind and bring peace to your world.
Through Mindfulness you are re-training your mind in order to manage it. Mindfulness allows you to develop other mental qualities including concentration, loving/kindness, effort, and becoming more alert.
Mindfulness is not an end-all or doorway to happiness but it can provide you with the foundation you need to build those skills.
By allowing yourself to get rid of habits in your mind that can cause you unhappiness the result will be letting go of anger, envy, greed, or other harmful behaviors that serve no purpose.
Mindfulness brings about self-acceptance and self-understanding. We bring upon ourselves unwanted emotional and behavioral problems simply by trying to avoid discomfort and throwing ourselves into some other sort of change-seeking activity.
Mindfulness is about awareness and acceptance first and changes second.
]]>
Instead of focusing on what we can't do right now because of COVID-19, let’s use this time to remember the importance of slowing down and self-care.
I get it. Times are tough right now for all of us. None of us can deny that. But what we also cannot deny is that our lifestyle, as a society, has put drastic pressure on the planet and on ourselves, mentally and physically. Instead of being upset that your life was forcibly altered, consider the things that you now have more time for because you are home.
Do you have more time with your family? Do you get to work from home? Do you have more time to cook dinner now? What are you now able to do that you couldn’t do with your hectic schedule? Do you have more time to focus on your goals?
In this time of slowing down, what can you do to create healthy new habits that you can carry with you when life returns to “normal”?
Here are a few ideas to get you started:
You can also check out any of my blog posts from February, which was deemed as Self-care month at Coffee.Yoga.Life. We focused on the importance of self-care, self-care strategies, and why slowing down is a good thing. Check out How to take care of yourself without neglecting your loved ones and What is your self-care plan? for more information and some helpful tips and tricks.
There is something that I just learned about and couldn’t wait to share with you, it’s called the Self-Care Mini Bundle from Ultimate Bundles. I have been struggling with making self-care a priority over the past few weeks and really starting to feel the effects of the stress. I received an email and decided to check out the product offer. I felt like I had been heard by the angels when I started reading everything that was included in this bundle.
So far my favorite is the Literary Medicine Cabinet. If you love to read like I do then you will absolutely love this list. The books listed are feel-good books. Not all are self-help books, some of them are books that may have been childhood favorites and will bring you a sense of nostalgia. Some are self-help books that will give you tips to help you work through whatever stress you are going through right now. When you feel the need to escape, grab this list of books to find your next read.
One of my other favorite products in this bundle is The Busy Life Diet. This book helps you create a healthy meal plan and exercise routine that fits you and your crazy busy schedule. It even discusses guilt-free holiday eating and how to get back on track after the holidays. Being completely honest, this is something that I struggle with horribly. It normally takes me a month or 2 to finally get back on track with my diet. I can’t be the only one with this problem. Right?
And to top it off, this bundle has a cheat sheet that tells you the purpose of each product, each product’s highlights, and gives you an overview of what you get from each. Who doesn’t want a cheat sheet to help them know where to find exactly what they are looking for?
There are many other products included in this bundle that I haven’t had a chance to check out yet but I definitely will. Next on my list is the Women’s Health Masterclass.
Just so that you can see why I’m so excited to share this bundle, here is what you get in the Self-care Mini Bundle:
So, of course, adding up the total value ($231) of this bundle may scare you, it did the same to me. But the best part about this whole thing is the amazing deal that you get. Seriously, my wallet jumped out of my purse and into my lap when I saw the bundle price (ok, maybe not seriously but it would have if it could). This entire bundle is only $11.97. I will give you a minute to compose yourself. But you see my point, right? That is why I had to jump on the deal and get it ASAP. The bundle deal is only available until April 15, 2020. Do not miss this absolutely amazing package deal. Especially now that we have the time to slow down and refocus on our self-care. The importance of slowing down and finding time for self-care is evident when you consider the fact that a package like this even exists.
Check out the Self Care Mini Bundle here:
Be sure to let me know in the comments below what you think of the products and which one is your favorite. And remember to share this with anyone who is also stressed out right now and could use a boost. Let’s help each other get back on track.
I can’t wait to hear how much this helps you focus on you :)
Stay safe everyone!!!
]]>Why not add more enjoyable activities to your routine? What do you enjoy doing? Do you enjoy reading? Do you like baking? Sewing? Knitting? Gardening? Sketching? Working on cars? Building furniture? Whatever you enjoy, make time in your calendar for it. By that, I mean actually schedule it in. This is important. Put it in your calendar the same way you put other people’s priorities in your calendar. You are a priority! Put it in your calendar and don’t move it unless absolutely necessary. It will feel weird at first but the more you do it, the more you will love it.
For those of you out there who spend so much time caring for others, this is time that you will ONLY FOCUS ON YOU. Self-care is not selfish. It is mandatory for your mental health. And you will not be able to continue caring for others if you don’t take care of yourself.
So make a list of the things you enjoy. You can write it down in your journal or any other notebook or write it on a napkin. Next look at your calendar and schedule time this week to do at least 1 of your favorite activities. No matter how big or small, get it in your mind that you will do it within the next 7 days. After you do it, spend some time writing down how you felt after doing it. This part is also important. Spend some time really feeling your happiness at spending time doing what you enjoy. Remember, you deserve the same level of care that you so freely give to others.
]]>Ok so this particular blog post is a bit late, I went to Costa Rica back in October, but it is still so important to share. If you are looking for a place to visit, Costa Rica most likely has what you are looking for. It is absolutely beautiful. The weather is amazing. The food is amazing. The people are amazing. And the views, OMG!!!!
With the focus on self-care during the month of February, I really wanted to share my thoughts on Costa Rica because, to me, a trip to Costa Rica definitely falls into the category of self-care.
For those who don’t know, Costa Rica is a Central American country that is bordered on one side by the Pacific Ocean and on the other side by the Caribbean Sea. Being south of the equator, their seasons are the opposite of us in the US. That is important to know when planning your trip.
This trip was a bit last minute but came at a time when I needed it most. I was going through a rough time emotionally and just felt like I needed a different environment for a few days. I have an absolutely amazing friend, who is more like a sister, and who also happens to be the owner of Luxe & Chic Travel. She called me one afternoon and asked if I wanted to go to Costa Rica. Before she could even finish telling me about the trip I said yes. I needed this so bad and the universe answered in the best way possible. So we booked our tickets, got all of our reservations set up and we were ready to go. I mean, you are going to go prepared when you travel with an awesome travel advisor :)
So what was the first thing I noticed? The views!!!! OMG, THE VIEWS!!!!! Costa Rica is a beautiful country. We flew into San Jose, then flew from San Jose to Liberia. Absolutely beautiful! Then the views from our hotel lobby and then our hotel room?!?!?!?! Absolutely breathtaking, especially in the morning and at sunset.
We stayed at a beautiful resort that is set far enough away from everything making it an ideal location to rest and relax, W Costa Rica Reserva Conchal. When you check-in, you walk into the most beautiful hotel lobby that I have ever seen and then you are presented with the drink of the day. I don’t remember what was in mine but it was delicious. You will most likely want that drink again but as it is the drink of the day, it won’t be available any other day. The room was beautiful. I loved the decor and the shower was amazing. Though I will say that it is a bit surprising if you don’t know what to expect (Don’t worry, I won’t spoil the surprise!). They have a few restaurants to choose from and I think we tried all of them during our trip. One thing I would like to highlight is breakfast. The breakfast buffet was wonderful with so many delicious options. And they have healthy juices in their own individual little single-serving glass bottles. I was able to drink my green juice while on vacation and it was delicious (actually it really tasted like green juice but the fact that I didn’t have to make it or clean up made it taste that much better). It rained during our time there so we didn’t use the pools or the beach but they were beautiful. We did get to spend some time at the spa. The spa here is so cute. Each treatment room is like its own hut. From the moment you walk into the spa, you feel the stress melting away. Since I was in Costa Rica for the first time, I decided to try something else for the first time and I got a facial. It was so good that I fell asleep during my treatment. And I don't think my skin had been that soft since I was a baby. It definitely hasn’t been that soft since I came back home.
As I said at the beginning of this post, I think of Costa Rica as a self-care destination. As part of our trip, we booked a morning tour with Manta Ray Private Charters. The trip and being on the water was so relaxing. It had been so long since I was able to truly relax that much that I soaked up every single second of it. I sat back and enjoyed the view while we were on our way to the beach. Then I sat back and got some sun while reading a book by one of my favorite authors. Yes, I got a little sunburned but it was so worth it. I would do it again in a heartbeat. The crew on the catamaran were awesome, they played music and provided snacks and drinks for us.
Costa Rica is also known for adventure travel and more specifically ziplining. Now, this is not normally my thing. I seriously hate heights and I’m not one to look for adrenaline rush type activities. But I couldn’t go all the way to Costa Rica and not at least try it, right? So we spent one morning at Tamarindo Ecoadventure Center and I did it. And I didn’t die!!! It was my first time and I had no idea what to expect. Once I got the hang of it, I had no trouble whatsoever. My fear went away and I was able to make it to each platform with ease. Now I didn’t get to the point where I was able to enjoy the scenery because it started raining while we were there but I didn’t hate it and would consider doing it again. After the ziplining, we rode 4-wheelers. Now that I hated! I won’t go into too much detail but that is NOT my thing. However, I can say that I am happy I got the experience. After the excitement of the day’s activities, we were fed a traditional Costa Rican meal. OMG! It was delicious! So delicious!!!! Now that I’m thinking about it again, I could actually go for a plate right now. Unfortunately, the rain was coming down pretty strong so I couldn't grab my camera until the very end. I did manage to get some pics of the stunningly beautiful, and hand-painted, pottery.
When it was time to head back to the airport, I can honestly say that I felt like I got what I needed out of the trip. I got out of my routine, I stepped out of my comfort zone, and I got to relax like I hadn’t been able to in a long time. And hubby knows that a trip to Costa Rica is in our near future. To me, that is self-care. Taking care of you so that you can continue to work on your goals and keep pushing forward to success.
If you are looking for a place to get away for a few days, please consider Costa Rica. It is absolutely beautiful and you will come back with a sense of renewal.
A few more pics to help you make up your mind:
Remember, self-care is multi-faceted. So many people just think of it as spa days and bubble baths. In addition to your physical aspects, you must also consider your emotional, mental, and spiritual needs.
Everyday self-care doesn’t have to be extravagant. A major aspect to consider is your home. You can turn your home into an oasis by focusing on creating an environment that speaks to your senses. Create an environment where you are at ease just by entering the room. Your environment does have an impact on your mood and your ability to relax.
Let’s take a look at some of the ways you can turn your home into an oasis. These ideas apply whether you live on your own and are able to decorate your entire home or if you live with roommates or your parents and can only change your room.
As you can see there are several ways that you can make your home a relaxing oasis. Some will cost more than others. My wish for you is that you find the ways that truly help you relax and put your mind at ease. We spend so much time taking care of others, it is also your responsibility to take care of yourself.
]]>
One of the major topics I want to discuss during our self-care month is stress and ways to deal with it. So many of us are dealing with insane amounts of stress in our daily lives. The rates of people in their 30s having strokes and heart attacks is absolutely terrifying, and a lot of it is stress-related. Stress manifests itself in numerous ways. It can be poor food choices, the need to have a glass (or more) of wine every night, or retail therapy. If not identified and taken care of, it can start to become much more serious. It can become a headache when you have to deal with certain people. It can be a noticeable increase in your level of anxiety. It can turn into high blood pressure, increased inflammation in your body, or a stroke. We need to take care of the stress way before it gets to this point, before it impacts our health further.
Finding the time and energy to de-stress is important to your mental, physical, and emotional well-being. However, HOW you de-stress is also of the utmost importance. By the end of the week, I hear so many comments about needing a glass, or bottle, of wine to get over the stress of the week. To be completely open and honest with you, I have made those comments myself on several occasions. Sometimes I have made it a reality on a Friday night to grab a bottle of wine on my way home from work and pour myself a glass before I even get dinner figured out. And, you know what, sometimes that is ok. The keyword here being sometimes. Alcohol should not be your first thought when it comes to relaxing after a stressful day or week. There are so many other, wonderful, healing ways to de-stress. And that is what I want to focus on today.
Let’s discuss some ways to de-stress after a rough week that don’t include alcohol.
These are just a few ideas that you can use to de-stress that don’t include alcohol. Like I said at the beginning of this blog, we are dealing with absolutely ridiculous amounts of stress and how we deal with it has an enormous impact on our health. Self-care is so extremely important to our well-being and how we handle stress is included. Please take this seriously. The inability to de-stress in a healthy way will have a lasting impact.
Now that I’ve started the list, what are some other ways that you can think of? Let me know your favorite way to de-stress that is alcohol-free.
]]>But is that commitment to your loved ones causing you to neglect yourself? How many times have you bypassed your own desires for someone else? This is the time to be honest with yourself. There is no judgment here. I’m sure everyone reading this post has the same answer. Are you constantly putting your needs on the back burner to take care of someone else’s needs?
It's completely admirable for you to want to take care of your family and friends. But it's important to balance that with self-care. You are just as important as your loved ones and I’m sure they would NOT like the idea of you running yourself into the ground just to make them happy. I understand you may have time constraints, young children at home, a demanding job. I get it. So many things to get done and never enough time to get it all done. I’m there with you but this year I have made a commitment to myself and I hope you will too. You may think it’s impossible, but it's really easier than it appears.
Here are some guidelines for balancing self-care with caring for loved ones:
Remember, self-care is not only physical, you also have mental, emotional, and spiritual needs to take care of. There are several ways to take care of each, and the choice is completely yours.
It's easy to feel guilty for taking time for yourself, knowing that those special people need something from you. But have you ever stopped to consider what may happen if you're unable to be there? Not paying enough attention to yourself could result in you being ineffective as a support base.
If they're truly your loved ones, they’ll understand your needs. Communication is a two-way street. It makes a world of difference if you can learn to balance your own needs with those of your loved ones.
Self-care is literally what you do to take care of yourself. Self-care reinvigorates you. It prepares you to handle the stresses that come into your everyday life. Self-care is your right and your responsibility.
]]>While this may be immediately justifiable in some circumstances, the problem over time is that if we constantly deny ourselves things for the sake of helping others or because we question our right to do things for ourselves, eventually we can become quite burnt out and resentful about our circumstances and towards the ones we are trying to help.
Allowing ourselves time for self-care means we allow ourselves time to have that cappuccino with a friend rather than staying home to do the dishes. It means giving ourselves permission to go to the gym rather than feeling like that email can’t wait an hour to go out. Most of the time, with a little planning we can include self-care in our daily activities and that simple step is guaranteed to increase our productivity and well-being both at home and at work.
Next time you decide to think twice about something you want to do ask yourself why you are considering saying no to doing it. And ask yourself how often you do it. Of course, there are times when saying no to self-care is a necessity (like in a TRUE emergency), but if it’s something you routinely say, try saying yes to a few things and see how it improves your life.
As you look after your own needs first, it becomes easier to look after the responsibilities that consume most of your day. Saying yes to going to the gym regularly increases your energy and concentration levels. Now instead of that email taking an hour to get out, it takes less than 30 minutes. Not to mention, your mind and body will thank you for it too.
Socializing with friends has been shown to increase emotional well being considerably. Taking time to socialize will improve the quality of time you spend with family and friends and in your attitudes to everyday activities in your life. Over time, you will find it gets easier to look after your own needs, and you will realize it’s not selfish to do this, and the feelings of guilt will diminish.
Next month we’ll dive more into self-care. For now, just think about what you do for yourself just because it makes you happy. If you can’t think of anything, I challenge you to think of one thing that you can do this week and DO IT!
]]>How many of us keep pushing, knowing that we need to rest? Knowing that our bodies have given the signal that it is time to stop and take a break? Knowing that we’re not eating the right foods or getting enough sleep?
It’s so funny how I tell so many people that they need to listen to their bodies and allow time for rest, but I can’t seem to stop before my body starts fighting back. Sometimes it’s frustration and irritability. Sometimes it’s reverting back to poor eating habits, especially candy and comfort foods. Sometimes it’s digestive issues. This time its migraines.
I truly believe our bodies will continue to escalate our symptoms until we listen to what it’s trying to tell us. In the past, I’ve had days where I couldn’t get off the couch for a day or two. Just sitting there with barely enough energy to make myself something to eat. Those were the days that I would sit on the couch, eating cereal and watching cartoons all day (SpongeBob is amazing when you don’t want to think about anything). While I love cereal and cartoons, I hate the feeling of my body needing so much rest that I can’t get anything done. So, for years I managed to avoid getting back to that point. Until 2019.
I have so much that I’m working on; so many goals and so much to learn. This year has been especially busy for me. I feel like I have 10 pots on a 4-burner stove. I’ve started noticing that when I ignore my body’s signal to take breaks, I started getting headaches. I tried to work through them by listening to binaural beats and relaxing music. While it didn’t make the headaches go away, the music lessened the pain. Now my body is pushing harder. I guess it realized that the headache wasn’t strong enough to make me stop, so they’ve escalated to migraines now.
If you’ve ever had a migraine, you know that it means work comes to a complete stop.
Everything comes to a complete stop.
So many of us are always on the go. There is always something that needs to be done. The reality is that we will never complete everything. Let others help you. Let go of some of your control. You don’t have to do it all by yourself. Identify what actions are priorities, and let the rest take a back burner sometimes. We are humans, not machines.
Allow yourself time to rest and relax!
]]>